It's Saturday, and there's nothing like turning on our Ipads and Laptops to watch a Webseries! Especially one that is so relatable! This weekend, the ladies of FWB are watching the "Lena Street Ladies"; an online sitcom that follows the lives of four friends in college -- all so different, yet so alike. From the time we began college, our lives have been full of constant change and growth. Lena Street Ladies, shows four different perspectives of life and all of the challenges that come about in the real world and in personal relationships. Finally -- something we can relate to! We're glad that the ladies reached out to us because now we're anticipating future webisodes! Check it out! And get connected ;].
I've always been a private person. And that includes in my relationships. I'll give bits and pieces but you'll never catch me flooding your notifications with sappy stories, inside jokes, and constant name changes. I've never been the one to expose all of my business or express my every emotion via a tweet, gram, or facebook status. And there are two reasons for this. For one, I cherish the moments I share with a person that no one else can share with them. I'm a vaccuum that sucks up their every facial expression, their every emotion, their every gesture, and the small things that make them smile or make them frown. It's those things that I find honor in being able to know and understand. If a person doesn't usually reach that level of comfort with another person until a level of respect and trust has been reached, why give the world all of it? Lack of privacy is the reason why so many things are falling a part right now. Without even realizing it we live majority of our lifetime comparing our worst to everyone else's best. We want "the best" because we constantly are seeing what "the best" looks like. We want to be "the best" so we are constantly trying to change ourselves in order to keep up with the world around us. Our eyes are constantly fixed on the things that others have, which causes us to lose sight of what we have in front of us. The second reason why I've always been pretty private is because I always felt like what is said can come back and bite me in the butt. We all know at least 10 people who constantly boast about the "perfect" relationship they have with their "wifey/hubby". And then at some point or another, that same perfect relationship has ended (and a new one has begun). Promoting your Dream Man, is just that -- a promotion. You're building the hype and attracting customers. He's limited edition and has a waiting list of women who are willing to sell their souls for a bite of his ear. And while you're behind that computer screen adding that < and 3 to that status, she's giving her all trying to prove that what is absent in his life, she can give to him. If your man is strong enough, he won't break under the pressure but you can only build a strong man through investing in your relationship-- your stock isn't with Twitter. Now keep in mind: it's not only about him cheating it's also about you getting to know whether or not you REALLY want to be with him! Don't spend so much time telling yourself that he's the one without giving yourself the opportunity to make that decision, wisely. Think about it: Do you spend more time tweeting about your relationship than growing in it? Now I'm not saying you can't be happy about and let the world know that you are, in fact, happy. But I do believe more focus should be put on making sure your man knows how you feel about him through actions and not via status updates. And it's also important to make sure that he is happy too. Because while you're sitting there advertising, someone else may be test driving. Is low-key love the best love? For me, no. But it sure is better love. One that is built on a different foundation. Two people working together to stand on top of the world and not two people working together to constantly please and keep up with it. A relationship between two people is a relationship between two people. It's been said even a hundred years ago that when you bring others into it, you are welcoming an opportunity for what you have to be destroyed. Let's spend more time living the dream and less time selling it. Put down the pen and stop writing your fairy tale. I'd hate for the clock to strike 12 on the greatness that lies before you.
Have you guys seen all of the neon goodness hitting the world lately? Bright hues that look haute on all skin tones. I want to get a few neon pieces to add to my wardrobe, but I don't think any of them will be big purchases. There's no telling how long this trend will live and I just can't afford to even take the risk, lol. Learned from June Ambrose in 07' that you should save on current trends and splurge on staples! This summer, color block it and rock it. Don't be afraid to brighten up your soft pucker or to walk around in neon. Whether the neon glazes your finger tips or flows in the form of a maxi dress, play under the sun with your friend named, Neon.
Not every story ends with "Happily Every After". Ever since we were kids we watched movies and read stories about the underdog coming out first. She wasn't the prettiest nor was she the most popular, but she was the kindest and the most good hearted. So we related to her and we just KNEW that one day we would come out the same, as long as we were also humble and kind. NOT! Unfortunately, life comes with it's share of heartbreaks -- you win some, you lose some, and your "Happily Ever After" story may come in the form of Starbucks coffee or in the form of a Publix cake. Love, on the other hand, not guaranteed. Not to say you WON'T find love, but some will and some won't. And accepting that is only hard because what we were taught we would be (since we were children) was actually JUST a Fairy Tale. And that my friends is just the way it is. "The End". Your childhood friends won't be your friends forever! I was that girl in fourth grade who stayed shopping in Limited Too, buying all of the BFF bracelets and necklaces for my group of friends and I. It's sad to say that I don't even know where those other halves, pun inteded, (and my halves) are today. If you and your childhood friends are moving on to new stages of your lives, the dynamics of your relationships will change. Some for better, some for worst. After high school, it's important to be open to meeting new people in college or in the next stage of your life. You'll learn that your friendships won't only be based on common interest and proximity but they will also be based on what you two can learn from each other and what you guys are going through in life. For me, it was Krissy & Asia. My soulmates. I met these girls, and my parents adopted them into our family. And Soraya, was always my cousin, but we didn't really become close until my junior year of high school and got EXTREMELY CLOSE once I graduated high school. Never would I have imagined that I'd meet girls like them, I don't know WHAT I'd do without them. -cues Rihanna's "Where Have You Been"-. Life isn't about planning, it's about shifting. You can make plans for what you want to do, but chances are --- you'll need to have a couple of plans for what you'll do when roadblocks come your way. Growing up, I thought life went in the following order: Primary School, College, Career, Marriage, Family, Vacations. Ehh. Wrong Answer. Not everyone goes to college -- it's way more expensive than I ever imagined and the criteria for getting in is a little high. Careers that aren't in healthcare come only to a fraction of the qualified candidates. Marriage, has declined tremendously and divorce has increased tremendously. Families are more broken than ever before. And Vacations -- well, they come, if you have the money to afford them! So with every aspect of life, comes a stipulation that we must be well equipped for. Life's lessons and the morals and values that you stand firmly on, will be your stones to throw when roadblocks in the form of giants come your way. It's all about having and keeping the faith in order to win the battle. David. These are the times that you need to be learning Mama's Cooking. We're in a time where we have SO many things that we can do to occupy our time. So many services are offered in order to make our lives "easier", allowing us to constantly stay on the go. Learning Mama's recipes, is a thing of the past but it's important that we ladies keep it alive! Just learning the very things that always made you anticipate sitting in her kitchen, can be the very things that will make your future children and future husband have the same anticipations when it comes to your cooking! Not only does it bring people together, keep family traditions alive, and fill bellies up, but it is also important for your health and can help you save money in the long run! You may not think Mama can teach you anything since you are constantly having to "put her on" to new technology and new ways of life -- but there are a few ways that she does have you beat --- she just doesn't think that you want to learn. You don't have to love the games, but you should know them. Take some time out to watch sports even without the boys! Learn the game and know the game, so that you can speak through the game and discuss the game when you're at an event your with your beau! Know and understand etiquette -- and stick to it. Being a lady is an important aspect to becoming a woman. A child will do the things of a child, and a woman will do the things of a lady. Learn basic etiquette for how you should carry yourself, how you should eat at a table, how you should conduct yourself, how you should sit and stand, etc. Remember that you have to set yourself apart from the girls, so be on top of your game. On a first date?! What you don't do, the next one will, always be mindful of that! ;]. Save, Save, Save -- For your future house, potential wedding, and/or retirement! This month, open a chump change savings account! Skip getting a debit card or checks for it, as you should have no easy access to pulling money! Deposit random change and small increments of cash and watch it grow in years to come! Then when it's time for you to start making moves towards a large investment purchase, go into the account and see how much you have saved! Don't cheat yourself, because you will be extremely disappointed when you look inside of it after years of deposits. With the economy down and the housing market offering homes for such wonderful prices, this is the time to capitalize on the world's great fall. =]. Our parents were able to do it! So there's no reason why we can't! Always look cute when you sleep, you don't know where you'll be when you wake up! My mother actually taught me this! Ladies it is important that we all look somewhat decent when we go to sleep. When we're sleeping -- we are unconscious and unaware of what is taking place around us. What if your prince charming walks in? Or if you wake up and you're in the ER? Spray up, lotion up, exfoliate, and then rest. Sleeping Beauty, always got caught sleepin', but never get caught, slippin'. Staying fit gets harder as you get older! Ladies, Ladies, Ladies! Now is the time to tone. it. up! The older you get, the harder it is to kick those Big Macs off of your stomach! Don't let your love handles turn into hate handles! Them babies will get nice and comfy and will no longer want to budge. We're nearing the age of no turning back! Mission Get Right Before Seeing The Light! Don't get married because you want to get married, get married because you both want to get married to each other. The best thing in life is finding someone who wants to be just as perfect for you as you want to be to them. Don't get married because you're desperate. Get married because a) you have found the one and b) they want it just as much as you do. Always remember, love is a verb, not a noun. It's something you do, not something you say. Grease was created to keep the black girl down. And water, is in fact, your friend. If you've been hiding underneath a rock, I just wanted to let you know: BURN ALL OF THE HAIR GREASE THAT YOU OWN & RUN BECAUSE THAT ISH IS PROBABLY FLAMMABLE! (Or use it as clay to patch up your tires). I don't care what type of "goodness" that gooey gunk says it has, get rid of it! Grease was created to keep the black girl down. Clogging one pore at time. Educate yourself on your hair and learn to incorporate natural products and REAL goodness into your regimen (your hair routine)! Deep Condition and Shampoo regularly. Moisturize your tresses (using natural products such as CANTU, which is available at Wal-Mart) and Seal your ends (using a natural oil such as Extra Virgin Olive Oil) nightly. You can't save the world, so don't feel bad when you don't. I wept at my attempt to save the world with that last tip above. One thing that can be tough for us ladies to handle is our level of sensitivity. For some of us, our mission in life is to make everyone happy and to not let anyone down. But it's also important to know that we can't save the world and when we do make the attempt and fail to do so, we shouldn't feel bad. I battle with this till this day, but I have learned that I have to love and care for me more than I am willing to give up on what I believe and stand for. Who's Number 1 on the list of people you care for? Keep up with news that doesn't only have to do with celebrities. Be just as quick on your feet with real world news as you are on Celebrity Gossip. Know the events that are taking place as they may have an effect on your future! The more you know, the more you can DO in order to help evoke change, spread the word, and bring awareness to the issue. The more you DON'T know, the more you can be taken advantage of and manipulated into believing things that may not even be true. Knowledge is power, and without it, you're powerless. Never stop reading. Get lost in stories, become friends with fictional characters, go through new situations, experience new types and levels of emotion, travel to foreign places, smell scents you've never smelled before, touch things you've never seen before, and get lessons that have been revealed as hidden treasures through a journey of Ecstasy. Expand your horizons. Get to a point where you follow your own heart and forget what the world thinks about what you should do. Growing up, is easier said than done. We are often put in a position where we know what we want to do but also know what others want us to do. Pursue that one thing in your life that you have always been passionate about and have wanted to do for a long time. Without giving it a try you'll always have that curiosity that will turn into a regret that you will be forced to live with. At the end of the day, you have one life to live. And life is all about living and learning. But learning can't come until living has. Live your life, learn from the mistakes you make, and promise to grow from the experience. You'll lose more without trying. So give it a go, even when the world against you says no.
They say art and media imitate life, and I'm realizing more and more each day how true this is. Recently, as I was watching a popular TV sitcom, a certain topic hit close to home. This particular scene was centered around interracial dating and how the reluctance of black women to date mixed or white men impact both parties later on.
Allow me to explain.
I went on a date once during my sophomore year of college.His name was Tony. He was half white (of European descent) and half Hispanic. Now of course, I am aware there is a difference between race and nationality. Nationality is most often related to where your family hails from, although it could also include the status of where you currently reside (ie: I consider myself Haitian-American). Race usually refers to the four physical features that separate (aesthetically) Black and White people. These features are: 1. Hair (texture) 2. Nose (shape/narrowness/broadness) 3. Lips (fullness) and of course, 4. Skin (color). From the looks of Tony's features, it was clear that we varied in appearance. His skin was whiter than that of a Black-Latino and his white traits were dominant. These things did not bother me at all for I felt that Tony was a really attractive young man. He asked me out one time after class and we set a date to meet. I was rather anxious for a few reasons. Allow me to explain in chronological order: 1. In middle school, I was made fun of for the fullness of my lips. Something I never thought I would admit out loud but here I am! I was called silly childhood names but you better believe I had comebacks for every name I was called and for everybody who called my name. Because I went to a small and predominately white school and it was clear that my lips were much larger in contrast to the narrow lipped student body, I quickly learned and associated my fuller lips to my Blackness. I also began to develop hips while still remaining considerably small in both my bust and waist area while the other girls began to develop fuller breasts and remained straight as a board from the waist down. I did not realize that my body was developing into a "pear shape" and that I would later be a bit curvy. All I could think was that I'm wider than my friends and I can't wear a size 0 like the rest of them. It bothered me that Hollister shorts brought me discomfort in the crotch area. The friction from my thighs constantly touching also burned holes right through the thin denim of the cheap shorts.It's safe to say I was very body conscience during my pre-teen years.
2. During my freshman year of high school, I was walking down a hallway when a rather popular senior passed by me. He was black and very attractive and uttered the words "sexy lips" as he passed by me. He must've noticed how uncomfortable I was since I automatically assumed that he was correlating my lips to a sexual fantasy of his. As you could imagine, my lips went from being the center of adolescent jokes to obscene teenage fantasies, so I was constantly braced for the crudeness I was used to encountering on occasion. But instead of following up with a derogatory statement, he offered up an apology instead.
"Oh, I'm sorry beautiful. Let me guess, you're a freshman right?" I nodded my head. He then proceeded, "You probably don't know this now but your lips are beautiful. When you get older, a lot of men will love them. Just make sure you know the difference between them admiring them as a part of you and not just what they want you to do with them." It was blunt but it did not make me uncomfortable at all. It actually made me hopeful. I wanted to thank him but it seemed weird to do so I just nodded and walked off. And if by any chance this young man is reading this- I just want to say: You were right. Thank you.
3. My first experience with interracial dating as an adult (since I was engaged in a pseudo-relationship at five years old with blonde-haired, blue-eyed "Trevor on the Red Tricycle") was just horrible. I was 18 and a freshman at my university and I hadn't dated much before college. Thus, I was nervous about dating, period. I will keep his name private, but this kid was really something else. He was Russian-American and meant well but I am almost positive it was his first date with a Black woman as well. He picked me up and we went to a rap concert/sneaker battle and dinner. He was playing 90's rap music in his car (Fugees to be exact. Points for him) and initially he seemed far from cheesy. He appeared to just be himself- a young kid into the hip hop culture and sneaker phenomenon. That is, until he opened his mouth. "Man, you have legs like Tina Turner. Nice!" (Minus 2 points) was the first thing he said when I got into the car ...Well, you can pretty much guess where things went from there. Every compliment that came out of his mouth centered around my blackness. And although he was positive with each compliment, it was awkward. I did not need to be reminded I was a beautiful black woman, just being told I'm a beautiful woman would have been enough.Since he couldn't look past the color line, I couldn't either. And that was our last date.
Which now brings me to Tony. By 19, I had grown into what made me a black woman and quite frankly, I was beginning to embrace it. Very slowly but nonetheless very surely. My preference was in black men of browner and deeper hues. Perhaps it was a sort-of comfort thing for me to date a man who I felt looked like myself. Tony did not resemble this type of man but he was attractive in many ways and so sweet. He was 6 feet with a great smile and athletic build. I agreed to a date because I had no reason not to. We met up on the beach and had dinner and a great conversation. But somewhere into the night, I grew uncomfortable and a bit self-conscience. When he spoke to me, his eye contact was strong. The sign of an honest person with nothing to hide but I did not take it that way. I began to get flustered and wondered if he was looking at my lips or cheeks and if the grandeur of either or were beginning to bother him. It was mental, really. Tony said nothing wrong. I began to feel like Sanaa Lathan in 'Something New' when she was with Simon Baker and they went to a predominantly black comedy club. In the movie, her man was the center of "How did you get her?" jokes and I soon began to relate. While walking up and down the strip that housed countless restaurants and bars by the beach, Tony and I passed by a group of young black men who were a bit drunk and muttered something about Tony not being able to "handle me". That instantly spoiled my mood, yet I managed to hide my feelings well. Tony seemed not to be bothered with the comment since he was focused on the right thing that whole night- which was me. I wish to this day I could say the same, but I couldn't focus on Tony after that. I was focused on the comment of the men and later on, I'd be focused on the looks of the men who would stare for long with sly faces. How dare a man hold his gaze for more than five seconds at me while I'm with another man? How is it that another man think he can reach out towards me while I'm locking hands with Tony. Drunk or not, there was no excuse.Tony was handsome and "white", not "invisible." Basically, I correlated Tony's whiteness to his inability to be taken seriously when seen with me. I felt disrespected on both behalf of myself and him. After a couple of sweet dates, phone calls, flowers, and a message he sent to my friend that he was looking for me, I regretfully cut Tony off.
Later on, a mixed guy who was both black and white and extremely gorgeous would become my most prolonged brush-off in the history of brush offs. I cringe in admitting this now but my discomfort is nothing compared to what I could imagine was this young man's bruised ego at the time.I mean, 6'5, green eyes, sweet as pie, and persistent on remaining in contact even as he traveled around the world. I actually met him at 17 during a trip to a small island with my cousin. He was a year older than me and a pro-athlete and traveled a lot for basketball. He always called me and even mentioned having dated a Haitian woman before and being a fan of our class and traditionalism. Even into my 20's he tried to call me and meet up when he was in my part of town. Yet for some reason I was flattered but not as much as I was uninterested. I would learn later on that this disinterest was rooted in my own personal insecurity and nothing else. A shame, I know.
Which brings me back to my aforementioned epiphany. Upon recently watching a scene in a rather popular sitcom, the black female actress attempted to chastise an extremely fair-skinned man of mixed descent for his history of dating and marrying white women. He explained, as most of these characters do, that he actually loved black women growing up yet he got 'no play' in high school, even once being humiliated by a brown skinned girl about being too fair skinned, and how 'light-skinned was not in style'. However, I began to think just how many other people in real life had this experience of dating outside of their race by "default". It dawned on me that no one really knows the reason behind someone dating interracially. Sometimes it's by preference and choice but perhaps other times it's by default, which in turn later becomes habit.I began to empathize with the male character on the show. I could not believe I had allowed my own personal insecurities to eat at me and effect my dating life, which in turn quite possibly affected those men. I also couldn't believe that I had become that person.. I am the huge proactive type when it comes to mixed socializing- my roster of friends alone could qualify us for a "United Colors of Bennetton" ad campaign. Yet I still allowed myself to limit my dating life to what I thought I would feel safest with. Funny enough, I never felt safe in any of the relationships I did end up pursuing thereafter...
I got on Facebook soon after the episode ended and looked up the young gentlemen (the basketball player) that I mentioned seeing after Tony. I actually could not locate Tony at all, partly because I forgot his last name. The athlete however is a little more known and much easier to "Google" and locate.
He was indeed in a relationship. She is white. And they appeared happy.
LESSON OF THE WEEK: We're all going through it so never let yourself get to the point where you envy what another person has. Stick to your morals, values, standards, and game plan and get yours the way you feel is best to get it. Don't try to speed up the process or switch up your method to be on 'their' level. It took many years to build you into the person you are, so don't cash that in for a ticket that you hope can be used to make you into them. You don't know what someone did to obtain what they have or how they actually feel now that they have it. Always remember, people only show what they want you to see. Don't lust over someone else's life or tangibles. You have two choices in life: live yours or spend all of your time wanting and watching theirs. My life isn't perfect and I'm going through my share of challenges and life obstacles, but I'm choosing to live in the face of my hardships, and I recommend that you do the same.
SWEET & OUT THE BLUE Unexpected love is sometimes the best love. Show him that you still love him and that you still care even after problems arise. Leave him a love letter, light up the room with candles, give him a massage, treat him out to dinner, whatever. Show your appreciation for him even after the fight. He always hears you say that you'll love him through the good and the bad, so this time, show him.
GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS After an argument, you and your man may agreed to disagree, but just like you will still stand firmly on what you believe, so will he. Something has got to give, so give him what he wants even if you really don't want to and hope that he will do the same if you guys ever end up in the same situation. Relationships are all about compromise so always allow each other to be right from time to time.
SHOW HIM SUPPORT The last thing a man wants when he's out fighting the world is to come home and fight the one person who's supposed to be on his side. When things are rocky between you two behind closed doors, still show him that you support him when in front of a crowd. Be the nurse who helps mend his war wounds and not the person who adds salt to them. Even after an argument support him and show that you're always on his side.
He has 2 kids, doesn't pay child support, and only sees them twice a month. But he buys you gifts every week, takes you on a date once a week, and is a great boyfriend that is with you every second you both are free. Is it wrong for you to date a deadbeat? I understand that there are many ways a person can interpret this situation so I'm going to answer this question with my personal opinion and speak of what I would do in this particular situation. Personally, I don't think that a girl is wrong for dating a deadbeat. That would be like saying she is an accomplice to his fatherly crimes. However, I do believe that she isn't looking at the bigger picture. I personally feel as though there is no excuse for being a deadbeat -- where there is a will, there is a way. Just as the scenario above clearly illustrates, he can make time to hang out with his new beau and he can make a dollar out of fifteen cents to take her out and buy her gifts. But when it comes to making sure his children aren't hungry, he fails to make sure they are fed. I'm a person of standards, and I can't date a bad decision maker nor can I date someone who doesn't have his priorities in line. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date anyone with kids, but if I ever dated a man with a child, I would pray that he would put me second to them and I wouldn't even want to be put before them. In fact, that would be the first thing I'd look for. And if a man doesn't feel the same on his end, I can't take him seriously. I'd only be able to think of the future and how he'd treat our kids. So I don't believe dating a deadbeat is wrong, I just feel like it isn't smart. You should be able to tell a person's character by the morals and values they choose to live up to. And if you're okay with a lack of morals and values, then hey, more power to you. What do you ladies think? Is it wrong for you to date a deadbeat?
SWEET & OUT THE BLUE Unexpected love is sometimes the best love. Show him that you still love him and that you still care even after problems arise. Leave him a love letter, light up the room with candles, give him a massage, treat him out to dinner, whatever. Show your appreciation for him even after the fight. He always hears you say that you'll love him through the good and the bad, so this time, show him.
He has 2 kids, doesn't pay child support, and only sees them twice a month. But he buys you gifts every week, takes you on a date once a week, and is a great boyfriend that is with you every second you both are free. Is it wrong for you to date a deadbeat? I understand that there are many ways a person can interpret this situation so I'm going to answer this question with my personal opinion and speak of what I would do in this particular situation. Personally, I don't think that a girl is wrong for dating a deadbeat. That would be like saying she is an accomplice to his fatherly crimes. However, I do believe that she isn't looking at the bigger picture. I personally feel as though there is no excuse for being a deadbeat -- where there is a will, there is a way. Just as the scenario above clearly illustrates, he can make time to hang out with his new beau and he can make a dollar out of fifteen cents to take her out and buy her gifts. But when it comes to making sure his children aren't hungry, he fails to make sure they are fed. I'm a person of standards, and I can't date a bad decision maker nor can I date someone who doesn't have his priorities in line. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date anyone with kids, but if I ever dated a man with a child, I would pray that he would put me second to them and I wouldn't even want to be put before them. In fact, that would be the first thing I'd look for. And if a man doesn't feel the same on his end, I can't take him seriously. I'd only be able to think of the future and how he'd treat our kids. So I don't believe dating a deadbeat is wrong, I just feel like it isn't smart. You should be able to tell a person's character by the morals and values they choose to live up to. And if you're okay with a lack of morals and values, then hey, more power to you. What do you ladies think? Is it wrong for you to date a deadbeat?
